The Recipe
To create the New Yorker™, you will need the following:
One closet with primarily black clothing. Black jeans and black turtlenecks.
Sprinkle on some attitude in the form of body-checking strangers who take up too much of your zone on the sidewalk and eyerolling at tourists.
Pull 4 metrocards with a 0.25 cent value out of your coat pocket and stir.
Great, you’re almost there! You’re definitely in a rush to get somewhere so:
Take out 100g of patience.
Cover with 7 broken deli umbrellas and let sit.
(Tip! Insert the remaining airpod you have left, and open your meditation app)
Pile on 2 slices of dollar pizza.
Perform a taste test by presenting yourself to 3 bodega cats.
You are now reaedy to show up to your ex’s in Williamsburg.